When “no” is best…

I don’t know anyone that likes to be told “no.” Doesn’t matter if they are two and want a cookie instead of a nap, or forty-five and desiring a book deal. Hearing no as the answer hurts sometimes.  It’s also practically impossible for some of us to say!  I have the hardest time telling people no to almost any request. It’s challenging to find the right balance. Sometimes I just know deep down that I have to say no but I can’t explain it to people, and sometimes it makes no sense to anyone else. So for a very long time I was a “yes girl.

“Vicki, we need someone to bake muffins for visitation.

Sure, I can do that. “

Nevermind that the kiddos need my attention in the afternoons when I’m baking,

and I’m working from home full-time.

“Vicki, we need a meal for someone who just had a baby.

Sure, I can do that.”

Nevermind that I won’t be home all week because the kids have practices

and I’m teaching in between.

I could go on, but I think you get the point. I have struggled with saying no to extra responsibilities for YEARS.  I like being a yes girl and I like being patted on the back or thanked for being so helpful. Pitiful.  Drive myself into the ground and become #1 grump to my own family, just for this.

Over the last few years, the Lord has been working in my own heart to learn to be honest in my abilities and capabilities instead of just relying on my default yes.  See I know the Bible teaches the principle of “counting the cost.”  Check out these passages – Luke 14:28-30, Ecc. 2:11, and Prov. 11:1.

Sometimes it’s not the monetary cost, it may be time, or having to say no to other things later, because you committed to this. Sometimes it’s rest, time in the Bible, you name it – the cost of saying YES is high and before we say it we should consider if we are willing to make that commitment for ourselves and sometimes for our families also!

Recently, I reflected on this year and thanked the Lord for the work He had been doing in me to start learning to say No.  Now, by no means have I perfected this … I still struggle, but I’m working on it.  I’m working on being honest with people about my limitations, because honestly that’s something I don’t want anyone to think I have. Now that’s just sinful pride right? we all have limitations, why do I feel that I should hide that? No idea my friends, but it’s almost hardwired into me. So I’m a work in progress.

But this work in progress said no earlier this year. About six months ago I said no to a wonderful opportunity and something that took me a couple of days to respond back to because I was trying to justify, work out an angle, anything to be able to say yes and feel right about it. But the Holy Spirit wouldn’t let me. I knew deep down in my core I shouldn’t accept the offer, and eventually told them no.

I was disappointed because it would have been wonderful. Something that would have been work, but would have been enjoyable and I would have loved it.

What I didn’t know is what God knew.  In His omniscience, He knew that in June I would be working on a new book that I hadn’t even proposed yet.  He knew that I would be on a short deadline, and I would have either had to say no to the book deal, or I would have been a literal crazy person trying to accomplish both BIG things not to mention doing life with my family.

I’m so grateful that I listened this time and trusted there was a reason I needed to say No. I really cannot imagine if I had said yes.  There would be regret. There would be a huge emotional toll. The cost would have been far greater than I thought at that time. God in His provision spared me the pain. My friend Dawn Owens recently released a new book Like Me or Not dealing with an approval addiction.  She drills down into how this looks and manifests itself, and then shows how wrong it is by using Scripture to reveal the dangers in this behavior.  The thing is she does it in a very real way.  She lays out her life, her experiences, and her pain in the process of detailing how this has affected her life.  If you struggle with your no’s, you will benefit from reading her story and her challenges to let God deal with your heart.  You can purchase it at a variety of book stores or click the link to get it on Amazon.

Do you struggle with saying No? Do you like to be a yes girl like me, always volunteering and saying yes, even when you know deep down you should say no?  There’s tremendous freedom in learning to trust the Lord and lean on His wisdom.

I pray that you are encouraged today to take responsibility for the “yes” and “no” answers you face today.

 

 

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Your Happy Place

by Angela Jamison

I was chatting with a dear friend this morning, griping about the number on the scale. We both tend to ride the up and down weight coaster and both are easily frustrated with the back and forth in progress. It’s not an uncommon conversation among friends and it will be a constant, life-long battle.

 I’ve often said if I could choose a super power, I would choose to be able to eat whatever I want and stay a healthy weight. Obviously unrealistic, but we can all dream, yes?

 In my conversation this morning, however, my friend said something that had me thinking. She said, “I just want to find my happy weight place”.

 I’ll adjust her phrase minimally to say – I just want to find my happy place.

 I just want to find my happy place.

 How often do we search for this? How often do each of us desire this magical, everything is how we want it, place? I know I’ve dreamed of ‘my happy place’, what it would look like and how I would feel in this imaginative state of perfection.

 I’ve dreamed of the greener grass on the other side while simultaneously destroying that which I’m tromping over. Dreaming of your happy place, opposed to relishing in your current one, can be more damaging than encouraging.

 We can find our happy place in our everyday.

 We can find our happy place in our everyday by giving our everyday to God, by focusing on His promises and provisions. We don’t have to dream of that imaginative state of perfection if we simply embrace the reality of God’s presence today.

 Is your happy place free of a current struggle?

Find it today with this truth…

 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. – Isaiah 41:10

 Is your happy place free of financial stress?

Find it today with this truth…

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

“And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. -Matthew 6: 25-34

Is your happy place free of grief?

Find it today with this truth…

Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted. – Matthew 5:4

 Having dreams and aspirations are great qualities, but God is found in more than just those dreams. He is found in this very moment. Find God in your current day and He’ll guide you to your happy place, your in-this-moment state of perfection.


 

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Angela Jamison is a mother of four and works with young children as the Director of a Christian Preschool. She derives joy from children and is passionate about connecting with mothers to encourage and reiterate God’s design for the toughest job on Earth. 

 After struggling with infertility, Angela and her husband entered the world of foster care and began the journey to create their family on God’s terms

When she is not entertaining children, or buying LulaRoe, Angela loves to read, write and explore the path being laid before her by the most perfect parent, our Heavenly Father.

Read more of Angela’s writing and journey at www.angelajamison.com

Rainy Days and Long Winters

I think often of the change of seasons and how it relates so intricately with our lives.  We seem to just get settled into Spring around here and boom it’s Summer! Let me tell you in Northwest Mississippi you know when summer hits.  The seasons come and go, and our lives seem to ebb and flow with the same motion. Young adults who get married, work jobs, have children, raise children, retirees, etc. The seasons move along and before we know it the time has gone and we wonder how it happened so quickly.

All except winter that is…winter lasts FOREVER. Or at least it feels that way every February.  This Florida transplant still struggles with February and I try so hard not to let the weather get me down, but it’s hard when it’s nothing but rain and gray skies.

Have you found yourself feeling the same? Why do all of the other seasons fly by while Winter drags by slow and stale.  It hasn’t helped  that the last couple weeks have brought their share of minor struggles.  You know the little things that accumulate and make you discouraged or disheartened along the way.  It’s easy to become distracted and encumbered with those weights but even as Paul encouraged us to “lay aside every weight and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.” (Heb.12:1) My challenge is to do this in the midst of the rain and cold.

When things are smooth sailing, I find this task much easier to do! But the task is not only to be managed in the easy season, it’s also for the Winter of the year and the soul. When we are parched, and raw and yearning for the warmth of the Sun and the Son, we have only to remember those words from Lamentations and know that by His mercy which is new every morning, we can do exactly the job God has for us each day. The purpose that we are here to fulfill on this earth, the precise reason for our living and breathing and moving.

If you find yourself struggling today with the burdens of this life, I pray you’ll turn to the One who bears all our burdens with us, and treasure the promise of the seasons – they are not forever, the next season is right around the corner.

 

4 ways to Thrive not just Survive

This blog post is featured in my weekly column at woman to woman ministries today – I hope you’ll head over and recieve encouragement there as well.

God does not intend for us to only survive the rigors of this life.  Sometimes in the course of life, certain seasons carry more burdens than others certainly, but I believe that God’s desire is for us to thrive through each of the seasons. Scripture reminds us in many different verses – but here are three passages to consider:

  • John 10:10 tells us in Christ’s own words that he came for us to have life “more abundantly.”
  • David describes it in Psalms 23 as an “overflowing cup.”
  • John 15:11 These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, and that your joy may be full.

This is much easier said than done though.  It’s difficult to think of thriving for instance when you are busy:

  • Picking up the dirty laundry off the floor for the hundredth time that day
  • Changing that dirty diaper again when you just got cleaned up from the last one
  • Preparing one more meal in a day (especially if you homeschool – right mamas?)
  • Feeling and sharing the intense pain of rejection and heartache from our teenagers as they navigate the path to adulthood.
  • Dealing with the threat of loss of financial stability, health, jobs, and much more

Read the rest of this post here…